Archbishop Georg Gänswein, secretary to Pope Benedict and prefect of the papal household, suffers to this day in the change from Pope Benedict to Pope Francis, Zeit-Online reports. “I must be honest with myself about this,” Gänswein said. “It is an ache, finding my way with a new role. I have the impression that I live in two worlds.” He said of his relationship to Pope Francis, “I wait every day for another innovation, what will be different today.”

Gänswein candidly admits that at the beginning he found it “an affront” of Francis against his predecessor (Benedict) that the new pope did not move into the apostolic palace. Francis said that he found the papal living quarters “dreary” and he wished to live “with people.” Gänswein says that meanwhile, he and Francis have been able to joke about the controversy.

Gänswein says that for him, there is only one pope. But he still addresses Benedict as “Holy Father.” He continues in his service of Benedict because he promised to be faithful to him “in life and death.”