For the readers of Pray Tell who can carve out some free time for non-work-related reading, I recommend a series of novels written by Mark Schweizer and published by SJMP Press of Tyron, NC comprising the “Liturgical Mysteries” series. The major character and narrator is Hayden Konig, who is the Chief of Police of St. Germaine, North Carolina, organist at St. Barnabas Episcopal Church, and an aspiring crime noir writer. The novels are filled with eccentric characters, odd plot twists and delightful wordplay. The descriptions of the various inter- and intra-denominational squabbles over worship will be quite familiar to the readers of this blog. The drafts of Konig’s crime novels (Xeroxed and shared with the choir in their folders at rehearsal) are small gems of comic writing: “It was a dark and stormy night, although Tessie, the one o’clock weather-girl on Channel Two, had nasally predicted a clear and starry night, but was once again dead wrong, chiefly due to her education (Meteorology for Blondes), her inability to read a tele-prompter, and her current preoccupation with the ever-burgeoning hope that this fellow she’d been hearing about, Doppler Radar, would ask her out on a date.”
The reason I am posting this recommendation on Halloween is that the latest in the series, entitled “The Countertenor Wore Garlic,” involves both adolescent vampires and a flashmob of zombies, although the descriptions of the Calvinist Anglican “supply” priest, Vicar Fearghus McTavish, and the Congregational Enlivener hired to spice up St. Barnabas’ Sunday worship are actually more terrifying. Pastoral musicians might especially enjoy this description of the titular countertenor, a musicologist, who joins St. Barnabas’ choir:
“’Do not mock me,’ said Ian Burch, his nasally voice rising even higher than usual. He held some sort of wooden Renaissance instrument, cylindrical and about five inches in length, and gave it a startling honk.
‘Good Lord,’ said Pete as he walked up. He stuck a finger in one ear and pretended to clean it out. ‘What the heck’s going on?
‘This is a racket,’ said Ian Burch, Ph.D.
‘It certainly is,’ said Nancy.
Ian ignored her. ‘According to ancient legend, vampires cannot abide its sound.’
‘Me neither,’ said Nancy. ‘Does that make me a vampire?’
Nancy’s snide comments didn’t seem to both Ian and he was happy to hold his prize aloft and continue the music lesson. ‘I ordered this one last week. The common name is the racket, but it’s also known as the wurstfaggot. The sausage-bassoon.’
‘Unfortunate name,’ said Pete. ‘And an unfortunate sound. No wonder vampires don’t like it.’…”
If you enjoy “The Countertenor Wore Garlic” you may enjoy earlier volumes in the series, such as: “The Soprano Wore Falsettos,” “The Bass Wore Scales,” “The Organist Wore Pumps,” or “The Baritone Wore Chiffon.”
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