When Christmas Hurts

A colleague of mine knows two couples who have sustained miscarriages this autumn.  Neither couple requested celebration of the Order for the Blessing of Parents after a Miscarriage (found, inter alia, in the Book of Blessings).  I cast no aspersions here.  People have any number of valid reasons for dealing with grief in the ways that they do.  My point, rather, is to wonder how many Catholics (especially married Catholics in child-bearing years) are even aware of this blessing.  For example, there are parishes which during Advent invite expectant couples to receive blessings in view of the upcoming celebration of the birth of Christ.  How often do our parishes acknowledge pregnancies that fail?

As near as I can discern, at Pray Tell there have been two posts mentioning miscarriages.  They were in 2014 and 2020.  The 2014 post contains a helpful link to the Miscarriage Awareness Committee of the Diocese of Saskatoon, SK.  I invite readers to post here information about similar organizations in their communities.

The Sacred Triduum at the high point of our liturgical year reminds us that God is no less present on Good Friday than on Easter Sunday.  As we turn to celebration of the incarnation and the joy of the new era inaugurated in the life and ministry of Jesus, let us bear in mind those among us for whom the recollection of this birth touches raw and hurting places.

Timothy Brunk

Dr. Timothy Brunk is Associate Professor of Liturgical and Sacramental Theology in the Department of Theology and Religious Studies at Villanova University.  He holds a doctorate from Marquette University, a Master of Arts degree in pastoral studies from Seattle University, a Master of Arts in theology from Boston College, and a Bachelor’s degree from Amherst College.  He is the author of fifteen journal articles and two books, including The Sacraments and Consumer Culture (Liturgical Press, 2020), which the Catholic Media Association recognized at its annual meeting as the first-place winner in the category of books on the sacraments.

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7 responses to “When Christmas Hurts”

  1. mulhern edward

    I was not aware of this blessing. Thank you.

    Reply
  2. Michele LaBarr-Haynes

    I love this… I am not personally affected, but have had many loved ones who have been. I never knew there was a Blessing available. Thank you for the information. May you have a wonderful Christmas, Tim.

    Reply
  3. Lee Bacchi

    Good point about those Advent blessings.

    Reply
  4. Paul Fell

    Relating to the comment about blessings during Advent, I would also point out that blessings for Mother’s / Father’s Day can be particularly anguishing for those who have lost children due to pregnancy issues.

    When my mother was first practicing as an RN, mothers who lost children due to stillbirth or various developmental issues in utero were not even allowed to see or touch their children before the child was removed. What happened to the child post mortem varied with the facility. Virtually without exception, though, the child was not mentioned outside of family and the mother was considered “not really a mother”, as “there was no child for which to care”. Thankfully, this approach has been replaced by a more compassionate one.

    I know many people who have lost children due to stillbirth / pregnancy issues. Without thinking, people often ask why they are standing for the blessing on Mother’s / Father’s Day because “you don’t have any children”. Further, there is no mention in the blessing nor by the priest separately of those who have suffered this kind of profound loss. They are forgotten families who bear the burden of insensitive comments and strange looks.

    On behalf of these families, I would ask everyone to say a special prayer for these families on the Feast of the Holy Innocents. More importantly, encourage your priests to include mention of these types of loss when conferring blessings on Mother’s / Father’s Day. They may discover a population in their church who suffer in silence on days when most families celebrate.

    Reply
    1. Paul Inwood

      Agree with every word of this.

      Blessings of fathers and/or mothers while ignoring those who have lost a child is just insensitive. Also affected are those who cannot even have children, also a source of hidden grief.

      The same sort of thing happens when all married couples are blessed, ignoring those in the assembly who might be involuntarily single. We really need to become more aware of the delicate ground on which we walk when we only congratulate ritually those who are “normal”.

      Reply
  5. Lee Bacchi

    I add “miscarriage” to those Mother’s and Father’s petitions found in the Book of Blessings about a parent who has lost a child.

    Reply
  6. Chaplain Donna Zuroweste, BCC, MDiv.

    Why Catholic Board Certified Chaplains should be paged for every Catholic death in every healthcare facility nationwide, fetal or otgerwise; so that we name the the little one, and bless the entire family, while sitting in their pain with them.

    Blame staff RNs and MDs, who refuse to call us to fulfill our vocational call.

    Reply

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